I Deleted Instagram for My Mental Health. But Did It Work?

It was the 2010s. The app was Instagram. It was an period earlier than the discharge of its scarily correct algorithm and previous to the phrase “hyperlink in bio” changing into a part of our lexicon. Instagram was principally the de facto place my buddies and I went to (1) add footage of events and (2) stalk different folks’s photographs of events.

Nonetheless, even within the early days of social media, there was loads of speak about what a mind-mess these platforms might create, together with analysis that tracked declines in psychological well being. I deliberated reducing ties with Instagram as a result of I observed myself falling into the traditional lure: taking a look at what my buddies have been posting and questioning, “Why aren’t I doing what they’re doing?” and “Ought to I be doing that?”

As soon as, I spent the higher a part of a whole day evaluating my actual life to different peoples’ spotlight reels. Then I checked out my bed room. The solar had gone down, and I’d left my home windows open. I spotted I used to be chilly and ravenous. I felt greater than somewhat horrified at having uncared for my fundamental wants whereas my thoughts took a nightmarish trip.

So I deleted the app.

I imply, technically, my account was nonetheless energetic—however I used to be not. Months later, after realizing I might reside (thrive, even!) with out Instagram, my little break became my resolution to delete my account and, because it seems, spend years with out it.

Life After Deciding to Delete Instagram

My Instagram-lessness wasn’t one thing I brazenly shared; nor was it one thing I hid from folks. Positive, many references went proper over my head. When buddies registered my look of confusion over a celeb’s submit or a mutual good friend’s IG story introduced up in dialog, I’d typically obtain the response, “Ohhhh, yeah. I forgot you’re not on Instagram.”

So I did what I think about a 20-something dwelling off a belief fund may do when their buddies complain about working: I lent a listening ear when my buddies celebrated, complained about, or referenced the intricacies of their experiences on social media.

However I couldn’t actually relate. And I used to be secretly gleeful about not realizing the title of a former highschool classmate’s child or the mannequin of automobile my distant cousin bought. Not realizing was like the primary day of spring whenever you stroll exterior and notice you don’t want that heavy jacket you’re sporting, so that you merely take it off. It felt like freedom.

After all I needed to retrain myself to succeed in for one thing aside from Instagram throughout set off -moments, together with boredom or overwhelm. To be honest, different types of media rushed in to fill its place—Netflix, YouTube, SnapChat. However none of them felt as emotionally sticky as Instagram. Nor did they suck me in for hours and light-weight my feelings on fireplace.

The absence of the app did, at instances, make me query myself and my place on this planet. “What if I miss out on staying in contact with previous buddies or the prospect to make new ones?” “What if I ought to be sharing extra of myself with the world?” “If I don’t submit it, did it even occur?”

Ultimately, although, I might meet folks IRL who didn’t use or not less than prioritize Instagram, which subtle my nervousness. Generally I’d Google well-known or influential individuals who didn’t have IG accounts (Brad Pitt!), which was oddly comforting. Perhaps it’s as a result of it bolstered the concept one may be profitable, influential, even beloved with out posting picture carousels.

But dwelling with out Instagram didn’t appear to fully rework my life for the higher, both. I didn’t attain religious enlightenment or develop the flexibility to by no means stress about all my buddies hanging out with out me. Moreover, it’s not like I changed time spent on Instagram with healthful hobbies like studying books and mountaineering.

Anticlimactically, I used to be nonetheless human.

Curiously, the factor that roped me again into Instagram years later wasn’t FOMO or the need to doomscroll. It was the truth that, after taking artistic workshops and solo journeys the place I linked with superior people, they’d pose the identical inevitable query to me earlier than we parted methods: “What’s your Instagram?” I’d say I didn’t have one after which we’d each fumble over whether or not to change cellphone numbers (in some way waaay too intimate) or emails (too formal!). After a number of years of that awkward dance, I caved and determined to create a brand new account.

Returning to Instagram After 10 Years

Sarcastically, I created a brand new account on IG to keep up a correspondence with folks I met in actual life. However I’ll always remember the overwhelm I skilled once I was confronted by random folks’s movies (referred to as reels, I later realized) in my feed. I’d had a short foray with TikTok within the intervening years, however didn’t anticipate Instagram to look so comparable. So saturated.

I rapidly realized I used to be higher off with out social media, so I deleted the app once more and headed straight to yoga class. Simply kidding. I completely fell for EVERYTHING the app threw at me! Sure, Tarot card reader, I wish to know when the love of my life will present up. Positive, self-proclaimed enterprise skilled, I wish to know if my physique language subconsciously communicates weak spot. No, meals influencers, I’ll by no means tire of watching folks style Costco sizzling canines for the primary time.

I used to be astonished and humbled to appreciate that my consideration might be pulled again into the app so simply. Any sense of superiority I’d quietly accrued by abstaining from all issues IG went flying out the window as quick as you may say “meal prep hack.” That psychological house I’d reserved? It was rapidly overtaken by numerous creators’ visuals, phrases, ideas, and emotions.

Immediately, there was so much much less room for me.

Is Life Higher With or With out Instagram?

I don’t choose Instagram pretty much as good or dangerous—it’s not that straightforward. It’s been my late-night companion that offers me a much-needed chortle. It’s been my impromptu help group that makes me tear up whereas watching courageous, weak strangers share feelings that, because it seems, are similar to mine. It’s additionally given me identity-affirming language and an ever-broadening perspective on what it means to be human.

However regardless of all of the instances Instagram has affirmed me, my feelings, and my physique, all that empowerment can really feel fully washed away by the incorrect submit. A few of the extra mind-melting content material continues to make me second-guess myself in favor of the newest development or concept. At instances, it instills a hesitation over what I put on and eat, how I age and train, the best way I act and don’t act.

With out realizing it, I had been practising detachment whereas I used to be off the app. I had let myself expertise life with out Instagram once I wasn’t proud of the way it made me really feel. Additionally, as an alternative of holding onerous and quick to my identification as Instagram-less, I had let myself return to it once I was curious. And when it felt overwhelming and too time-consuming (once more), I didn’t hesitate deleting the app off my cellphone.

It’s very a lot what yoga teaches—that we expertise life extra authentically by not figuring out ourselves with exterior issues, whether or not a profession, relationship, or digital platform. We will nonetheless absolutely take part in life, after all; however we don’t should confuse ourselves with every part else. As a result of we’re superior, everlasting, and a part of the universe—and every part else is, nicely, kinda unimportant within the grand scheme of issues. What issues is having the attention to distinguish between the 2.

I’ve had Instagram again for some time now. Though my account remains to be up and working, I maintain it at a distance. Proper now, as an example, I don’t have the app on my cellphone, which implies I’m solely logged in on my laptop computer. Boundaries. After I discover I’m spending waaay an excessive amount of time scrolling, I’ll wiggle my toes or take a deep breath, as if I’m in transitioning out of Savasana. That brings me again to myself sufficient so I can put my cellphone down and transfer on. If something, my time away has strengthened my potential to return to myself many times. It’s not excellent, however it’s a apply.