The holiday season can elicit lots of notions about what you should be doing, and giving. There are even cautionary tales of how not to be—think Ebenezer Scrooge or the Grinch! In the face of these external pressures, it can be helpful to focus on your own preferences and expectations. Reflect on what you bring to the party yourself. Perhaps your presence, clarity, and joy can be a gift to others, and yourself!
A unique gift
Physical gifts are a familiar part of the holiday season. Another approach is the gift of an experience or service. You can take this a step further by considering what you yourself need or want. Is there a way to fill up your own cup, to show yourself the same care you show others? This can support your own sustainability. Friends, family, and colleagues in your orbit will probably notice, and benefit from your deeper presence.
Role models
You may be intrigued with the idea of showing up differently for yourself and others, but not know how. Pay attention to the people you admire, whether they’re in the media or your own backyard. Notice what you respect or appreciate about their way of being, and try it on for size. Sometimes it’s a perfect fit!
Reflections
Begin by taking some focused breaths and observing your current experience. Pay special attention to the following:
degree of present-focus (versus past or future focused)moodthought patternsdegree of embodiment (the sense of being in your physical body)physical healthattitude toward the holiday season
Now ’s the time to ask: “How am I right now? Is this how I want to be? And is it sustainable?”
Inventory
Now that you’ve checked in with yourself, it’s time to focus on what you might adjust in order to optimize your sense of well-being during the season. Depending on your circumstances, here are some areas to explore:
Brainstorm your idea of a perfect holiday season and see how much of this might be possible.Evaluate your priorities―are some things getting too much attention? Are other things getting missed?Ask yourself where you’ve historically struggled. Check that your expectations are realistic, your plans achievable, and your preferences supported.Explore back-up plans for situations that may be difficult, like handling awkward family members or struggling to carve out time to recharge.
Boundaries
Identifying your preferences is a great start. Frequently, it’s related to boundary quandaries. Effective boundaries include the following:
Identify, to yourself and to others, what you want and don’t want.Explore implications, alternatives, and possible alignment if another person is involved.Aim to support your own boundary while respecting others.Recognize that boundaries honour you as a human being, regardless of the outcome.
Boundaries in practice
Suppose you want to have some quality time with a relative. You can reach out, tell them you’d love some quality time and what that might look like, and ask if they’re willing. If they waffle or don’t respond, you can approach again, not to push or control, but rather to emphasize what time with them—without conflict—would mean to you. You may or may not get what you were looking for, but you will have shown up clearly and respectfully. The rest is out of your hands.
Where could you do better at identifying and supporting your boundaries, both personally and in relationship with others?
Impact
Think about the people and organizations that you come into contact with during the holiday season, and consider how you want to show up. The more present and balanced you are, the more positive the experience likely is for others.
But, have some space for yourself and others to show up in less than your best―we all succumb to stress, physical illness, and distractions at times. Then our inner Grinch pops out! Just notice, and then recalibrate. In every moment, it’s possible to let go and start over, beginning by taking a few conscious breaths.
Now that you’re aiming for a sustainable you, focus on some simple doable steps, and repeat. Celebrate your unique presence in the world, just as you celebrate those around you. Remember that both Scrooge and the Grinch turned out to be very lovable. They just needed to dig deeper and focus on what matters!
A voluntary boost!
There are many ways of contributing and giving back to your community, and the value is relatively clear. But research shows that volunteering also benefits you! Your health can be impacted in three areas:
improved physical and mental health, including reduced stress, increased positive feelings, and lower mortality ratesincreased sense of purpose and valueexpanded network of meaningful relationships
This article was originally published in the December 2024 issue of alive magazine.
